put on your winter coat…

I was going to post this under reasons I hate Christmas, but I don’t really mean it quite like that, and I don’t need the flack…

I don’t really like Christmas. From Thanksgiving till New Years there’s no time to stop and breathe, and everything is crazy (and people keep trying to get me killed on my last turn to my new place by pulling out of Target and trying to cross my left turn in order to speed up their left turn, especially when I’m being cautious because it’s twilight and I can’t see past the first lane of oncoming traffic to see what’s coming) and the only thing on the radio is jazzy/cheesy/ridiculous renditions of Have a Holly Jolly Christmas and It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year and there are commercials like Macy’s where fake carolers sing “Give Joy! Give More” as if they really believe it, and those sentiments are backed up by the radio poll I heard this morning in which people by a landslide said that they would rather receive the perfect gift than give it, and now I’m going to end this run-on sentence.

So, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, there are several things I like, actually more this year than last year, and these are as follows:

First, I haven’t gone Christmas shopping at all. I picked out presents, I have one more thing to pick up, but the majority of my shopping was done online, late at night after work. I didn’t once have to deal with a Saturday retail crowd of malcontents, snitty and spiteful despite the supposed joy of their chore – buying presents for their loved ones. Not once have I been yelled at by a last minute shopper, unable to secure that book whose first printing sold out two weeks ago. Not once have I had people ruin merchandise with spilt coffee or slushy salt water and shove it in a corner to hide it. Not once have I watched (yes, you can’t actually do anything directly confrontational) as a mother with children in tow blatantly steals a DVD.

Can you see how this would make my holiday just a little brighter?

Second, I don’t have to listen to Christmas music at work. David Bowie has not been supplanted by the Reba McIntyre Christmas Album, or Hannah Montana Steals Christmas. Sounds good to me. I can still listen to Lily Allen at the top of my earphones’ mini-power and only listen to Mannheim Steamroller, if that’s the only Christmas music I’m at all interested in. Which it is. Thanks.

Furthermore, my employer’s idea of helping others is NOT allowing people to give money used to buy gift cards to be used at said employer’s retail location by “underprivileged children” (um, wait…what part are YOU giving?) but instead we have gathered food for a local food pantry and will deliver it this weekend. There are benefits to not working for the commercial side of Christmas. The commercial side is like working for Santa Claus if there was no union and the elves were working insane back-to-back shifts with no free coffee and getting yelled at and generally abused by the little children who were supposed to be estatic about their gifts but were just jumped up on a sugar high and spoiled past the point of cuteness and right into insufferability. Oh, and if Santa Claus was really just in it for the retirement money and didn’t want to work crazy hours himself because he felt he’d “already put in his time and paid his dues to this company.”

And now. I’m going back to Ingrid Michaelson, and then I’m going to drive back over the wintery slip-n-slide to my home, and hibernate till Monday….

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3 thoughts on “put on your winter coat…

  1. Coral, my dear,
    I hope you have a very wonderful Christmas with your family. So go home to your parents and snuggle up in the living room with a warm blanket and a really thick book. Read Luke 2 and open a few presents. Laugh with your sisters and your brother, weave a basket with your mother and hug your dad.

    Forget about retail.

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