on february, and valentines day

february is the 3am of the year. if you’re awake to see it, which an unfortunate number of us are, you are subjected to irrational doubts and fears about yourself and who you really are.

i would say that this is melodrama, except for one thing: valentines day. if you are in a relationship, stop for one second and accept that you DO do at LEAST one of the following to your single friends on a regular basis:

imply that they are not whole. “oh, well, one day you’ll understand.” or “well, remember that relationships aren’t all chocolate and roses. this is a lot of work.” first off, we’d love to understand, but for some reason haven’t been placed there, and second, of course it’s work, but if the reward didn’t balance it out you wouldn’t still be in the relationship. we’re not stupid, we’re single. it’s not the same thing.

try to set us up to fix our not-wholeness. “i know this great guy.” charming. i’m sure he is. but still, at least set us up in a less humiliating way. don’t announce it to us, let us think that we, like the rest of you managed to stumble upon it without everybody orchestrating it with exagerated hand gestures and barely whispered directions.

tell us stories about other people who were single at our age. “she was thirty-four when she met harold.” charming. i know women in their sixties who are still single. not comforting, guys, at all.

talk about other peoples relationships with us “you know, i just can’t imagine that that’s ever going to work out” only to smash any input we give. “that’s really no basis for a relationship though. i still don’t think it will work out.” then don’t talk to us about it in the first place.

asked about our love lives. could anything be more obvious. there is nothing more humiliating than discussing the trifle that made your day to someone who got roses on valentines day.

and worst of all is the pity. PLEASE don’t let us know how bad you feel for us. we DON’T want to know. since we spend a portion of our time trying very hard to count all the beautiful things in our lives, it’s pretty rough to have someone say “someday . . . ” in a sweet, uplifting way. it’s much easier to say that once you know your someday is taken care of.
i miss you. i really really really do. i miss the fact that you reminded me that i didn’t need him, and i miss YOU. and sometimes, it hurts so bad that even 3am doesn’t bring any sleep.

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