Playing Dress-up

Today as I drove home from an errand, trying to get home in time to put my perfect bread into the oven, I realized that this whole Madison life feels rather unreal. It feels like this is a pretend life . . . a life of make-beleive. I mean, I go home to the smell of rising bread and clean laundry. I clean my bathroom myself, make my own dinner, keep my own schedule. I have errands of my own to run, friends to contact, appointments to keep. No one is watching to make sure I make it, they just assume that I can handle it.

I’m an adult.

But I didn’t ask for this! I mean . . . I have a library card here, I know where the grocery store is, I have a bank of my own. I go to work and come home to an apartment that smells less and less like University housing and more and more like my life. I lock my own doors when I go to sleep, check a mailbox with just my name on it.

When did I grow up? When did all this suddenly become my life? I feel like I missed the whole transition part of my life, between Cori dying and here is just a blur . . . but I remember telling someone that I was moving towards something new, towards being, as Bex says, “A real person.” I knew I was going to end up here, but . . . when did this happen?

I think I might be scared.


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