Serious thoughts on Vowel Gender.

This I suppose I should have saved for last, as it is the most interesting of the lot, because it is impossible to discover with any certainty what gender it is.  I think the capital A is male, with a strong . . . well, anyway, it’s male.  The little a, however, is cute and feminine, at least if you write it that way, rather than just as an o with a straight back.  The little o with a straight back could be a girl or a boy . . . either way, only really young.   I don’t really know.

!Laugh! If ever there was a male letter, this is it. E is bold, it takes charge.  e hangs around a lot, just watching, silent.  It doesn’t follow all the normal rules.  It just is.  It slips in and out of social situations, pretends to be more important than it really is a lot of the time, and makes a lot more noise than necessary.  Yup.  Definitely male.

This one is simple.  I think I is definitely male. So is i. Ask any of the girls why I think so.  If they can’t tell you . . . they don’t know very much about me at all.  Not jsut the way they look, either.   Their sound is like the hyper-activity of little boys playing at war-games, of first cars and . . . oh, it’s just definitely male.

I think that O is definitely female, as is o.  Come to think of it, this is the only vowel that is unequivocably feminine.  It’s a sort of maternal sort of letter, comforting, encircling . . . sort of a safe surroundedness.  It’s sound is feminine and soft too, sooooothing and comfortable.  It is the sound mothers make to shush and soothe.  Yes, O is feminine.

I would have said that this is an ambigous letter.  But . . . I don’t know anymore.  I think it might actually be feminine too . . . like a mother sheep, you know, like a ewe.  Like a safe, fluffy sheep.  Deep sounds.  U. u. Hmm.  Yes, probably female and also very maternal.  There really aren’t any sexy femal vowels, are there?   Sad, but true.  I guess you have to look through the rest of the alphabet, for v and z, to find the sexy little female letters.


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