grief (before I ever knew it..)

Some of the wisest words ever . . .

“On the rebound one passes into tears and pathos.  Maudlin tears.  I almost prefer the moments of agony.  These are at least clean and honest.  But the bath of self-pity, the wallow, the loathsome sticky-sweet pleasure of indulging it – that disgusts me.”

“Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms.  When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be – or so it feels – welcomed with open arms.  But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find?  A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside.  After that, silence.  you may as well turn away.  The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become.  There are no lights in the windows.  It might be an empty house.  Was it ever inhabited?  It seemsed so once.  And that seeming was as strong as this.  What can this mean?  Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent in time of trouble?”

“Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God.  The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him.  The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there’s no God after all,” but ‘So this is what God’s really like.  Deceive yourself no longer.'”

“Yet this is unendurable.  And then one babbles – ‘If only I could bear it, or the worst of it , or any of it, instead of her.’ But one can’t tell how serious that bid is, for nothing is staked on it.  If it suddenly became a real possibility, then, for the first time, we should discover how seriously we had meant it. But is it ever allowed?”

“You can’t see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears.  you can’t, in most things, get what you want if you want it too desperately: anyway, you can’t get the best out of it.”

“God has not been trying to experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality.  He knew it already.  It was I who didn’t.  He always knew that my temple was a house of cards.  His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.”

“When I lay these questions before God I get no answer.  But a rather special sort of ‘No answer.’  It is not the locked door.  It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze.  As though He shook His head not in refusal but waivign the question. Like, ‘Peace, child; you don’t understand.'”

“Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable?  Quite easily, I should think.  All nonsense questions are unanswerable.  How many hours are there in a mile?  Is yellow square or round?  Probably half the questions we ask – half our great theological and metaphysical problems – are like that.”

C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s