ain’t no rain getting in my way

so perhaps this is conceit, (if it is, chalk it down to a feverish mind overtaxed by Greek and Latin*) but i am convinced that if i ever wrote a book, people would read it. not just my friends, who would probably read it out of curiousity and perhaps a little terror that they would recognize themselves in the pages, but people as in the hoi polloi, the everyday common man. i am convinced that there is something about an honest voice approaching the world and situations that we all have to live in that would sell like crazy. for the longest time i thought i had nothing to write about…i mean, it’s not like my life has been crazy exciting. but i have realized that history is not always in the world-shaking events, that sometimes it is found in individual life-shaking events.

and my life seems pretty good at those.

these last two months have been a little crazy. yesterday a coworker told me that i was one of the most upbeat positive people he’d ever met, and i was surprised. upbeat? positive? are you kidding me? i’m so impatient these days. i feel like i’ve been grieving constantly for 3 full years. and a funny thing they don’t tell you about grief - it’s exhausting. they say that these are the times of greatest growth in your life, but i don’t feel grown, i just feel tired. a couple weeks ago i decided for the third time in so many years that i just won’t love people anymore, because it hurts too bad when you lose them. but i know that’s not true, and i know that it won’t work. i’m better at loving people than not loving them.

ha. that’s a funny thought. i had the revelation at work yesterday that i like all of my coworkers. not equally, but i don’t passionately dislike any of them. part of it is simply that now that my MA is winding to a close, the job is once again just a job instead of a place for my body while my brain does calisthenics about dead languages and footnotes and commentaries and committee members and deadlines and exams and failure. (and if you don’t think that all of that is possible in one mind, you’re wrong, i can do all that while juggling periodical locations (name a magazine and i can tell you the current cover and where to find it,) newspaper vendors, unexpected cafe shifts, the deadlines for payments, bestseller lists, and computer passwords…) i am very excited to be finished with school. i can’t wait.

well, i suppose that i’m wrong. if my book reads anything like this post, no one will ever read my potential future book.

* speaking of dead languages - a coworker of mine yesterday was explaining heating coils to me and was hopeful that every scientific fact he put into my head would knock out a dead word or two, it didn’t work…)

p.s. guinever, you can tell mary that the baby’s name is amy. she was very sick in the picture, but she was much better before i left uganda.

beneath the cover of another perfect wonder

where it’s so white as snow

it’s funny, i hate red hot chili peppers, but i love this song.  i have since the first time i heard it. i really love the guitar in the beginning. really really love the guitar in the beginning. wow. i have no life.

so reading lately…

from doon with death, by ruth rendell - i was looking for new stuff to read. this was recommended by the computer at work (you know i’m hard up when i take a computer’s advice on reading.) this wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t stunning. it took me only one night to read. i’m told it’s not her best, so perhaps i will try another sometime.

him, her, him again, the end of him, patricia marx - this one is oddly hilarious. it’s the tale of an obsessive lover. how anyone could love the sort of narcissist portrayed in this book is beyond me, but it is hilarious and well-written. i would never have picked it up myself, but i got the advance reader.

wow, those aren’t very good discussions, are they? i’m tired, it’s snowing like crazy, and i’m going to sleep and read and do sudoku.

time, you’ve got me running…

Ah, the glamours of grad school…

These are the things that I don’t mind about being single. Today I got up earlyish, cleaned my bathroom, spent the day re-typing, re-writing, re-working, and watching re-runs. Then, in the absence of turkey leftovers, I got some Chinese, and am sitting on my bed eating crab rangoon and sesame chicken while I continue the same. Yay.

Anyway. Back to the chinese and re-runs. I wish that this was over, but at the same time, a Saturday night of take-out in my pajamas isn’t that bad.

night will follow day….

Sure as the sun and moon
I am house-sitting for a friend. It’s kind of fun, she has a really nice house and it’s quiet and I can sit on her couch and just stare at my thesis. And, that’s about all I’ve done recently.
Remember I will always be with you
For not a word to say
And I understand you
When you see a darkness coming through
So I’m actually not fond of sitting alone in an unfamiliar house at night. And Uma, the shy cat, likes to run down the stairs and sit in the basement mewling as if her life depends on it. A little freaky. Reminiscent of The Silence of the Lambs, with stone walls and lots of art. I have been here 5 days, and today was actually the first time that I saw Uma for sure. (I’m not good at telling animals apart.) I was a little relieved, because I was worried that I had lost a cat without ever seeing it.
Remember to keep warm
Take shelter from the storm
The night will not last for much more
I wrote in a small note
Put on your winter coat
A cold wind will blow through your door
It’s cold here. I turned the heat up, and I’m a little worried I will forget to turn it back down. I also feel bad eating their food…I mean, I know she said eat anything…but what if she really wanted that avacado.
Night will follow day
Sure as the sun and moon
Remember I will always be with you
Just fold your hands and pray
And I am beside you
Tell mother I’ll help to see you through
Remember to keep warm
K. was an art major, and her house is full of dramatically different pieces of art. Photos, portraits, prints…paintings and statues from different cultures.
Take shelter from the storm
The night will not last for much more
I wrote in a small note
Put on your winter coat
A cold wind will blow through your door
I don’t know how to write my thesis. I still haven’t gotten results from my test last week…I am exhausted.

someone to carry you through.

tomorrow i take a very big exam, which i have failed a few (several) times. i am very nervous. beside myself nervous. i keep looking at the vocab and the authors…and i can’t focus, so i stopped. i don’t know…

i am starting to feel a decent amount of confidence about my thesis anyway….good stuff. solid, boring stuff.

as for the rest…i have a good job next semester, which i’m excited about. yay. loves.

everything under the stars…

*EDIT* I left this half done…haha.

my dad always was the coolest dad on the block. my grandmother probably would have said that was because my parents were babies raising babies…

today as i was walking to my car after work, i remembered one of the many reasons that my dad was the coolest was our trips to the country for woolly bears, you know, those crazy little fuzzy caterpillars. these trips always started with mcdonalds. dad would fill our station wagon with kids from all up and down the street, and we would all get boxes of cookies. mcdonalds cookies came in boxes back then, chocolate chip in a white box with that purple monster on it, the triangular monster.

anyway. you had to eat all your cookies before we got to a certain side road that my dad thought was the best.  we would drive, everyone’s eyes to the windows and then when we saw a woolly bear dad would stop and we would all pile out and save the caterpillar from a much squishier death…when everyone had at least one woolly bear in their cookie box, we all would head back to our house, where we would show off our new pets to mom.  the benefit of the cookie box was that they never really sealed, and by the end of the day, our furry friends had escaped captivity to a much safer environment.

ah the good old days.

and seth and kiersten are coming home for christmas. my heart feels content.

isn’t a hand just a hand?

So I have descended into the stage of ice cream and cheese and crackers….oh dear.

I’ve spent 20 hours, easily, in the last week sitting in front of my computer with 6 or 7 books of ancient history spread out around me. Good for me, right? How many pages have I WRITTEN….3. Three pages. Everything takes so much longer than I wanted it to. And I’m tired. I slept in late today, but I’m still tired. Blah.

stay in the corner of…

So…there’s been a lot of this author these days. Pamela Aidan wrote three books about Pride and Prejudice from Darcy’s point of view. And I’m pretty skeptical of people who ruin my favorite books, but my friend Brigid said it was good, and she was right. They don’t take a lot of liberties, and they’re true to the book and not a waste of time at all. Which means I have one more person whose reading suggestions I can trust. An Assembly Such As This, Duty and Desire, and These Three Remain, they were all good.

Then earlier this week I read Goose Girl, by Shannon Hale, whom I love more and more as an author. This one was a retelling of an old Grimm fairy tale, and it was SOOOO good.  Hale is just so fresh and simple. It’s the story of a princess who comes into her own when she is in a foreign country and her lady-in-waiting forces her into hiding. (Sounds exciting, no?) I just love children’s books.

And last, but not least…Pretending You Care: the Retail Employee Handbook, by Norm Feuti, creator of Retail. Funniest book I’ve read in forever. Probably because I think he may actually know some of my customers.  It’s funny, insightful, and makes retail employees all over the world realize that they are not alone. Funniest is his chapter about different types of customers, because I know one of almost all of them. Yay.

Alrighty. That’s all for now folks. Loves.

i believe the world…

yay. this is the most confusing month of my life. God is good, and sometimes even when you’re hurt and lonely you can see the good things coming out of it right away. everything will come out right in the end.

all that i know is i’m breathing…

I read this book today. Partly on my lunch break, and mostly when I got home tonight.  It’s good. I really love Shannon Hale, but Book of a  Thousand Days was the best children’s fantasy I’ve read since Edith Pattou’s East.  This is a well written fairy tale, subtle, and really engaging.  It’s based on a little-known Grimm’s fairy tale and is based in Mongolia. So good.  I always read children’s literature when I’m sad, because it has simple plots that make sense and has resolution.  Always with the resolution, these children’s books.

My greatest love to everyone.  Thanks for the phone calls and emails.  I will return them, I promise, when I have some emotional energy.